I don't really know why I find relationships to be difficult sometimes. I think it is because of the way that I see the world. When I was younger, it felt like I was an outsider looking in. I could almost see the connections between people as threads and see how what one person could effect another. I remember feeling alone in this because none of the connections to me seemed to be that strong. I made a conscience decision to focus more on being in the world instead of just looking at it...

I know that I've made some really good connections with other people, but I don't know if I ever forgot the feeling and viewpoint of looking at the world in that way. There is a part of me that looks at the way people treat each other and says, "No matter what I say, that person is going to treat that other person like shit". But maybe that's all part of growing up; seeing that we can't change everybody and that being able to recognize that people must make their own decisions.

Now that I have a wife and kids, I find myself dreading going back to that outlook with them. Sometimes, I feel that I'm only watching them as opposed to living with them. I've been making more time for those I love to tell them that I love them and that I'm proud of them.

Because, they are the most prized connections that I have.

Category: personal