Mandaris Moore

Today. I had a lot of good news. The work that I’ve been doing at work has finally started to bear fruit and have moved forward on.

Still, there was a number of mistakes on my side -simple errors that could have been avoided if I had taken the time to be careful instead of trying to do everything at once.

Other than that, there was a meeting that I missed regarding how the team is supposed to keep track of all the work that comes into our group. We’ve got a lot of people who lose track of why we’re tracking these things.

I started working before I made it into the office. It started with a text message asking if I had started a server after patching the day before.

I had.

I sent an email to everyone.

But something made me wonder.

Something was wrong.

Sure enough, the server had come up but it wasn’t working correctly. The account used for database connections was expired. I don’t know how long but it did. Honestly, I don’t even know if the system was being used and the patching was just an opportunity for others to get in the environment and see what was broken.

Lots of anxiety and just a feeling of helplessness as I had been the one to last touch the box.

Which just ran into another problem with another system just not running correctly.

Today, wasn’t a great day

Well, here I am on my second day of my challenge to write 100 words on my phone and I almost forgot. It’s hard to develop a new positive habit.

I’m also struggling to to come up with what I want to say. I feel that I want to turn this into a journal experience but I’m hesitant to have another system of tracking my thoughts.

I have day one on my phone and on my Mac plus a physical journal that I keep at work where I put an affirmation and a gratitude entry.

Currently, I’m only doing journal writing when I’m stressed.

This is kind of interesting. I wonder if I can write 100 words on my phone every day for a month.

I think I'll start in drafts because it has a word count and then send it over to byword to put the tags and maybe an image.

A lot of people have a picture every day that they post to Twitter or something. Currently, I don't want to do that because those companies haven't been good stewards of the community.

It feels like they are known more for the detriment they do to society then the benefits they propose.

I've signed up for a Tough Mudder race in March and I'm woefully unprepared for it. I've been doing small things to increase my physical health, but I've got to change a lot of things if I even want to stand a chance of making it out without getting hurt.

Ultimately, that is the goal for me. It started as a whim but now I want to prove something to myself. I've already made the financial commitment and I need to put my body where my money is.

I've almost finished the probation period at my new job and I've got to say that it feels good to have made it this far. I work hard and I think the people around me see that and want me to suceed just as much as I do.

Still, it wasn't always fun because of the learning curve and... well... the people.

I consider myself a people person in a lot of respects. It really isn't natural for me because I had no understanding of tact back in jr. high school seeing as most of my interactions were with books and movies. I was picked on quite a lot and it wasn't until college that I started to really grow as a person.

Fast forward to now, and I'm seeing other people who are still growing as people. Some more mature and some not as much. Everyone has there own motivations.

Things have been moving kind of fast at work and that has spilled over into my personal life. In the process of moving to a more stable life where I'm not worried so much about making rent for that month. At the end of the day, I'm very grateful that I not only have a job, but a job where I'm helping maintian the foundation of our society.

This hasn't left me with a lot of energy to work on my projects. A lot of the things I want to work on have had to take a step back as I get things figured out.

I sometimes look at the things that I’ve accomplished versus the things that I think that I should have accomplished. It’s always in a negative light because you can’t compete with a fantasy like that.

I think that I may actually grow up this year. I might be the person that I really set out to be.

What does this mean?

I might be able to look myself in the eye every morning knowing that I did my best for that day.

I’d like to know that my children have had a positive male role model in their life and understand what it means to treat people with respect. And above all, treat themselves with respect.

I think I might have a chance to actually have peace of mind this year. It’s really about me going out there and doing what needs to be done.

It doesn’t have to be a chore. It’s just life and it is up to me to live it.

I created a vlog entry about how I'm balding.

Afterwards, I started to pick at the way that I look and sound. Of course, but I'm excited about doing this and making the video better than this one. Small steps, right?

I just don't want to do anything today.

Having another quiet fight with my wife.